i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
