Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
