nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
