I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
