the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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