got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
