So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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