Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
