So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
