You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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