the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
