My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Boobs speak an international language.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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