I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize