Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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