Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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