she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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