Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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