Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
