Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize