his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
