He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
