Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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