a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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