I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
