Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
