Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
