You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
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