I cannot find my penis.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
