He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize