I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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