i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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