he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize