you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
