yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
