It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize