When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
