Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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