we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
