some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
