his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
