You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
