why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
