Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
