i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
