You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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