Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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