i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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