Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
