She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
