My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i need some magic done to my vagina
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