I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize