I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If I die, sorry about rent.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
