Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
