Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
