just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
