do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
