I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
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