I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm too high and old for this...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
