Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
