So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
