We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
