I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
