They should really pass out barf bags in church
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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