hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
