i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So vagazzling was a success
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
