apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
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Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
