that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
