yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
