Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
