Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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