i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
