He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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