ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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