So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
What drink are we having for lunch?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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