I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
