do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
