I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
