Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
