Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
