Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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