____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My pussy is not your playground.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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