That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
